ADHD Awareness Month: misunderstood and silently struggling?
- Cheryl B
- Oct 18
- 4 min read
Credit – Hafiz (art generated with AI).
Introduction
If you’re reading this, perhaps you recognise some of the struggles that come with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or maybe you’re seeking answers for yourself or a loved one. October is ADHD Awareness Month, a perfect time to gain more understanding of the challenges of living with ADHD.
ADHD Awareness Month: Beyond the Stereotypes
ADHD is much more than the stereotypical presentation of hyperactive little boys. Girls, women and people who are assigned female at birth have been historically underdiagnosed as they tend to present with more inattentive traits and internal hyperactivity that is less visible. Similarly, boys, men, and people assigned male at birth who are less outwardly hyperactive may also have their struggles go unrecognised.
ADHD can mean grappling with difficulties around organisation, managing time, staying focused, or living with a mind that doesn’t switch off. You might feel overwhelmed by everyday life. It can feel as if your brain is working against you, making it difficult to complete tasks even when it’s something that you want to do. Some people with ADHD have likened it to playing the game of life on hard mode.
You may find it difficult to keep up at work or school, with a growing sense of failure or not reaching your potential. You might have been told that you’re just not trying hard enough. You might feel misunderstood or judged. Research suggests that children with ADHD receive up to 20,000 more negative messages than their neurotypical peers.
The challenges are invisible to many, but they are deeply felt by those who live them every day. Due to stigma, some people worry about the label of ADHD, but being undiagnosed and misunderstood can simply result in other labels – lazy, careless, disorganised, disruptive, loud, weird, intense. These labels often imply character failings and overlook the very real struggles of living with ADHD.
Negative responses from others can erode confidence and fuel shame, leaving people struggling with low self-esteem well into adulthood. You might have a loud or persistent negative voice inside your head which says that you can’t get anything right. Perhaps you compare yourself to others and face constant self-doubt and frustration.
Understanding the Emotional Struggles
ADHD isn’t just about attention or impulsivity. Emotional dysregulation can be one of the biggest struggles – people with ADHD might find themselves experiencing strong emotions, like anger that flares up suddenly and might seem disproportionate to the situation. The ADHD brain often has difficulty moderating emotions, leading to those intense reactions, and you might also find it hard to calm down or move past feeling upset.
Rejection sensitivity is another struggle that often goes under-recognised. As human beings, the need to be accepted and belong is hardwired, and feeling criticised or rejected by others can hit those with ADHD especially hard – the emotional pain can even feel like a physical ache throughout the body. Many of my ADHD clients have described a sense that they are both ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ for other people, and often feel as if they ‘can’t do anything right.’ Some desperately want to connect with others but find it hard to build or maintain meaningful friendships and relationships. Some people have adapted to cope by using jokes to put themselves down, before others can do it for them.
As a therapist, I hear stories full of guilt, anxiety, frustration and exhaustion. I also witness how stigma and misunderstanding of ADHD can compound the struggles, resulting in self-blame and making it harder for people to ask for help or accept support.
Credit - Poly_Picture AI_Art
Strengths and Hope
Despite the difficulties, it’s important to remember that ADHD does not define your worth. Many with ADHD possess remarkable creativity, humour, curiosity, passion, empathy and resilience. The challenges are real, but so are the strengths, and both sides deserve recognition.
Therapy: Building Self-Esteem and Releasing Shame
Therapy isn’t just about managing symptoms – it’s about rebuilding self-esteem and letting go of shame. Together, we can work to rewrite the narrative. You are not broken or lazy; you are navigating a world that often doesn’t understand your unique brain.
Knowing you’re not alone is the first step. Help is available, and healing is possible. I can offer some practical strategies and grounding techniques, but I have often found that emotional support and exploration is really the key to building self-compassion and confidence.
What You Can Do Today
Reach out: seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Challenge shame: gently question any negative beliefs you hold about yourself because of ADHD – where have those messages come from? To practice being kinder to yourself, it can sometimes help to talk to yourself the way you would to a friend. We are usually much harder on ourselves than we are on other people.
Focus on strengths: try to take pride in your creativity, passion, and persistence (even if others overlook these qualities). ADHD hyperfocus can also be a force used for good!
Connect: find community among those who understand your experiences. You’re not alone, even though it can feel that way.
Conclusion
If you are struggling with ADHD, know that your feelings are valid. You are worthy of understanding and support. During ADHD Awareness Month and beyond, let’s move beyond stigma and shame, towards hope, healing, and a future where your strengths are seen and celebrated. As a therapist, I am here to walk with you on this journey.
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